Sadness.

Sadness. It's something that I rarely allow myself to feel.
Because when I'm sad, I cry. I was once told that I am a beautiful cry-er.
Regardless, I don't really enjoy it.

But as I sat in bed last night, asking for God to allow me the freedom of releasing the pent up anger I had inside of me, I began to weep.
I cried because I lost myself somewhere between last year and now.
I cried because I've lost people that I love.
I cried because I'm sad.
I cried because I needed to.
I cried because I have been selfish and manipulative.
But I mainly cried because I allowed myself to feel something I haven't felt in a while: unfathomable sadness.


I know that no one reads this.
But this isn't about that.
This is about my heart.

And today, I'm sad.
Today, I'm single.
Today, I'm living my life, knowing that God has something incredible in store for me.
Today, I'm thankful to know that joy doesn't always mean happiness.